Persevering with GOALS

Thank goodness THAT month is over! Usually I don’t really mind July, it’s August I anticipate with angst. August is the month when winter hits at her hardest. I suffer from my own version of SADness (seasonal affective disorder or the winter blues) and I seek out every hint that spring will return. Not this year. This year July took me out well and truly. Was it the humdrum of daily routine OR simply the paralysing impact of setting too many goals?

I thought I was prepared for the challenge. Only two goals, how hard can that be? Dry July – 31 days alcohol free. OK, we can do this!The commitment to write 50,000 words for Nanowrimo??? Yep, good to go, novel outline prepared and chapters roughly mapped out. No worries.

I wasn’t worried. I missed the ritual of a glass of wine with Ian at the end of the day but lime and soda more than filled the void. I opened Smooth Speech and began to watch the story unfold. This book is proving trickier to write than Human Doings. For some reason the main character and I are not gelling easily which is strange as we have a surprising amount in common. Not enough, apparently, as I just don’t like spending time with her. I dealt with it in the way all proper conflict-avoiders do. I ignored her. Days passed and I barely approached the desk except for work. I was careful to keep my writing tab out of sight in the hope that it also meant out of mind. Tallulah emanated waves of reproach and my journal, my beloved morning pages, gathered dust by the bed. The blog knocked insistently, louder than the others, until I paid it attention, writing ever so carefully so as to avoid the sight of the novel sitting at its side. 

I wasn’t giving up on my goals, goodness no! I was resolute in my commitment. It’s alright if I’ve missed a day. We can pick it up tomorrow, no harm done! I’m only a week behind. Hmm, it will take effort but I’ve got this! Only a week left in July… sigh.

The main character in Smooth Speech (at the moment I call her Katie) is in her early 20s. Oh my goodness, what a treasure trove I found down that musical memory lane! In my mid 20s I was listening to My Friend The Chocolate Cake and Kate Ceberano on VERY high rotation. When they had a (rare) break my flatmate endured Indigo Girls, Crowded House, REM, Prince, Deborah Conway and U2.

I know I was listening to them because I still have the CDs on high rotation. Played loudly and sung even louder. The Cake’s A Midlife’s Tale and Kate’s Jazz collection continue to make my heart sing.

It seems I forgot my own words about setting goals. At the start of the year instead of making New Year’s Resolutions I committed to planning to fail… By ignoring my own advice and setting goals does that mean July was a success after all???

Well, here we are. The first day of August. The blog is late. Smooth Speech grew by only 11,500 words instead of the grand total of 50,000 I set out to write. But my morning pages were waiting when I woke up today and the ink flowed excitedly. I glanced at the novel as I began my workday and felt a sense of possibility. It’s back! Tallulah heaved a sigh of relief so loudly I’m sure I could hear her. You know, maybe in August Katie and I can start over. After all, she likes the same music I do. That makes her all right in my book. Literally.