Maybe relax a little!

Oh my goodness it’s time for Christmas decorations again!!! Just when the year begins to wind down and my thoughts turn to where I might sit and relax with a good book, it’s time to dust off the festive lights and turn on the Christmas cheer. I’m one of those people who are rigid about the dates. Everything goes up on the 1^st of December and not a day earlier and, ideally (for self-discipline seeps away somewhere around December 25) everything is back in the box on December 31 to start the new year with a clean slate. I spent the last couple of days baking all the German cookie deliciousness. Lebkuchen and shortbread and every variation in between.

Today is the first Advent. A breakfast of strong coffee made by himself and carols in the background and we lit the candle called Hope. I had more urgency than usual to get Christmas organised as work takes me away next week to focus on things other than the festive season (apparently other important activities do exist in December, who knew?!). All the more reason to make sure those at Ardley are well supplied with Christmas cheer! Do you think they’ll leave the Bublé Christmas album on repeat while I’m out?

I used to feel really anxious as December 1 approached. Despite the tree, despite the memories triggered by wooden decorations from Germany, despite the cinnamon and despite the thrill of anticipation, I began to find the start of December stressful. Getting the Advent beads ready and baking all the cookies began to feel like a burden. A really heavy one, to be honest with you. We would sit down surround by all those goodies and I would be snappy. Nobody else understood how to set up the tree. The kids were just throwing baubles on with no consideration as to which colours go together! Nobody was respecting the solemnity of the ceremony of lighting the Advent candles. There were fights over who got to light the match and jokes (jokes!) about my insistence on eating with a knife AND fork. A suggestion of Christmas lunch away from Ardley seemed like a good reason to just cancel the whole day. There were even complaints about Michael Bublé’s Christmas album. I know, the sacrilege!

Have you found yourself being both Mrs Claus and the Grinch all wrapped up in one ball of tension called Mum? That was me. I loved Christmas but I couldn’t work out why Christmas didn’t seem to love me anymore!

I’ve held high expectations for Christmas festivities since travelling to Germany in 1988 and first experiencing the beauty and joy of a wintery Christmas where all the traditions and food find a home. They make sense in the cold grey days, candlelight is natural and hot glühwein an obvious choice while wandering the markets. Choir song in an ancient church wth a simple nativity scene in the nave is magical for even the most irreligious soul. Transferring that wonder to the searing heat of our Aussie Christmas is nigh on impossible but I’ve never quite given up on the wish that, just maybe, I can capture a whiff of it. I often step back and try and judge how close I’ve made it to my idea of ‘what Christmas should be’. Crazy woman! Why do I do that to myself? It’s time to acknowledge that the work and expectations really are set for me, by me. They’re not demands by the family nor are they necessary for us to have a beautiful Christmas. I’ve started something here and I’m the only one holding myself to account over it.

It was time to relax these high ideals of mine and set some new ones that work for me AND still bring this #christmastragic the joy that only December brings.

how to have my Christmas AND relax to enjoy it. There’s a revised list of Christmas non-negotiables for 2023. The Advent candles, lebkuchen, Nan’s Christmas cake, Advent sun catcher beads, Michael Bublé and a sausage sizzle on Christmas Eve. The rest of it will be free and easy. If anyone’s in the mood to spend the day in the kitchen to whip up a gourmet feast on an Advent Sunday, they will. If not, toasted sandwiches will be absolutely fine even though it’s Christmas. Those who can be here, will be. I’ll send love to everyone else.

Last year when the Christmas tree emerged from the garage eaten by rodents and fit only for the tip, I didn’t replace it. Let that sink in… No Christmas tree. None.

There’s been some pushback. Those who have grown up in the unwavering performance of my Christmas pageant found this deviation from the norm unexpected and unnerving. I get it. When Mrs Santa Grinch trains you to believe that December looks a certain way, the change of direction is both unprecedented and really very disturbing. They’ve made it through, reasonably unscathed, and even taken on responsibility for parts of the tradition that mean so much to them they’d do anything, even help out, to make sure it continues uninterrupted.

The new expectations are a joy. Even better than the relief they’ve brought is the knowledge I can change them again next year if I decide this hasn’t suited me. I’m writing this story after all!

But whatever happens, do not expect a single decoration to appear before December 1. That’s not up for discussion. We can’t relax everything. Really, we do have to have some standards.