We celebrated a milestone anniversary this week. It was surprising. Well, not surprising that we made it through the years but that we celebrated the date. In the years since we got married I can’t remember one when we stopped on the day of the wedding to do anything other than raise a glass.
It’s not that we weren’t happy with the day or proud of our achievement or even that we forgot it. It’s more that it didn’t seem as important to us as other milestones in our relationship. Like the day we went on our first date which, coincidentally, is nearly the same as the day we got engaged three years later. Like the days we had our children. In fact, we found pretty much any other day to celebrate other than the day on which we got married. It’s just that we’re not overly performative or emotional about such things. And we got busy with life, you know?
Sometime in the last 10-15 years Ian lost his wedding ring. It broke his heart. It infuriated me. We were both hurt. As unemotional as I profess us to be, we both put a lot of weight into the symbolism of wearing our rings. Seeing those rings meant we didn’t need to say any of the words about being married to one another as they were all captured in that unbroken circle. When his ring disappeared, we really didn’t have the words to explain just how deeply we felt that loss.
We looked everywhere. We reported it lost. We kept the photo out to be able to show anyone who might find the thing and we silently kept our fingers crossed in the hope a miracle would happen and the wedding ring would reappear on his left hand. Ian refused to wear anything else in its stead because, as he asserted strongly, that’s not my ring. Eventually he began to wear a ring for his family that holds strong and emotional ties for him but it just wasn’t the same.
Married life is a busy life and we had to move on. Kids needed raising and jobs needed doing and gardens needed tending and life needed living and none of those things were hampered just because a wedding ring was missing. Every time we thought about it we found a way to gloss over the issue and move on, avoid it, pretend it didn’t really matter. Things, you know, are just symbols, they don’t hold the affection or the love or the romance or the emotion. Except… it did. Just a bit.
As you know, this last year has been the one in which we finally found room to move. Something about this year has felt special. Space to think and the energy with which to do things. For me, this meant that one otherwise normal day as I went about my business it hit me.
Significant anniversary + time to save = new wedding ring!
If I sound overly proud of myself, well, I really am. I am not known for romantic gestures and definitely not for words of love. It’s just not me. This may be the only overtly romantic thing Ian ever gets from me during our marriage (sorry, I am what I am…) so luckily it’s a significant thing. Yes, he cried when I gave it to him. Yes, of course it fit him, I was sneaky and found out his size in a completely unsuspicious way. And, no, it’s not an identical copy but we both agree that this version is somehow improved on the original. Just like being married has done over the years.
That’s just about exhausted my ability to demonstrate emotions like this publicly. It took 25 years to get this from me so don’t expect too much more chatter about our marriage for quite some time to come!
Happy Anniversary to himself. We’ve done ok, don’t you think?
I think we’ve done OK. And this wedding ring is the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever been given. ❤️
Aw shucks😍