Poor Jester dog has an ear infection. He’s been bouncing around the house in his usual crazy way and then stopping suddenly with a cry, whimpering as he shakes his head and then coming to me like a toddler to their mother for reassurance that everything is ok. He’s not a fan of the vet for no reason other than (child-like) separation anxiety. I dropped him off and was recalled within minutes to calm the frightened puppy while he was sedated for treatment. He leaned against me as the medication took effect and fought every single moment. He was determined to stay awake and defy this insult. Surrender is not a word in his vocabulary!
It took longer than planned but submit he did and thank goodness for that. I won’t horrify you with details of just what was found in that ear but let’s agree that, in the wise words of Shrek, it was better out than in!
This, too, shall pass said wise ones in the fables and folklore of most cultures and faiths. Every single one of them were right.
When I look at that I don’t see an instruction to ignore what’s happening before me. I see a reminder that time goes on and an instruction – Pass Go. Collect $200. Replenish your resources for tomorrow will come and maybe you’ll manage it differently/better/just as badly but, gee, won’t it be fun?!
I’ve been flipping back through journal entries I wrote during the height of the pandemic. My word of the year in 2021 was ‘breathe’. I was grappling with the blatant discrepancies between town and country, rights versus responsibilities, privilege in the face of need, and politics that postured the rights of the individual over the needs of a community. Trump was there. People were waylaid by conspiracy theories. Vaccination was both a saviour and a dirty word. I’m startled by the return to such devastating emotions like those I (we) felt during those times. And then I realised. Already we are moving past them. Not forgotten but they’re already woven into the fabric of time, prominent in the pattern but just as embedded as the relative quiet of the years that came before.
I don’t want to downplay the urgency of the pandemic but, seriously, how cool is that?
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons… this line of the Desiderata is one that seems so obvious to me that I skip over it. Surrender always seemed synonymous with give in or give up. A bad thing. That by surrendering you somehow compromise your own integrity. That it’s a loss of self somehow.
It took me a while but eventually I came to the conclusion that surrendering doesn’t always have to mean giving up. Parenting, sigh, is the ultimate example of this in my world. I have only so much influence and control (ie none) so all I can do is go with the flow. If I can just maintain my own integrity and trust that those awesome young adults have absorbed a few of the values that matter most to me, it will be ok. Well, ok enough.
I hadn’t intended to ramble on about serious things even knowing that the word surrender carries such connotations. What I really wanted to reflect on was the concept of going with the flow. Jesse worked out how to let the medication help him relax so he could feel better. During the pandemic all any of us could do was use the information we had at our fingertips to the very best of our abilities and take it one day at a time.
What I had been reflecting on was my beloved Sun Salute. When a friend invited me to join her in a yoga class I was still relatively new in town and looking for people to meet and a way to expend a bit of the energy that was still trapped by toddlers and little people by my side. All. The. Time.
Anyway. I couldn’t have known it at the time but agreeing to go that class was one of the best decisions I ever made. Two mornings a week for the next few years I crawled out of bed before daylight and made my way into town where I silently lay my hand towel beside my water bottle and settled onto the mat. Despite my natural flexibility yoga was not easy. For the life of me I could not hold a balance pose. I had no concept of the strength needed to centre myself. The rest of the class seemed to have muscles I was missing and from my place on the mat everyone else seemed to be able to bend further, hold still, reach higher. If it hadn’t been such a blessed escape I might not have persisted. Thank goodness.
It was literally years of practise before one day I attempted to copy a move and realised something was different. Oh my god! Is THAT the muscle she keeps talking about? It’s actually real??? I had no idea! I’d surrendered to the process and given up trying to understand the details and had begun to literally go with the flow. And it paid off.
My beautiful, patient teacher just smiled. She has seen this happen countless times. It’s the reward that only those who find a way to accept the discomfort of being imperfect but keep going nevertheless get to experience. It was just the beginning. One day my body moved into a handstand as easily as I had done as a child. I haven’t found the balance for a headstand, not yet and possibly not ever. Star pose looks simple and feels incredible and I will never forget the years it took to hold that thing with ease rather than panic.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear. I am NOT really very good at yoga. I still never make it through a session without falling out of a balance pose. That’s just me. Despite that I manage to start the day with a short salute to the sun most mornings. Every time I feel that rush of strength and satisfaction and the whole body glow afterwards I send heartfelt thanks to Ms M who showed me how. I hope she knows just how incredible that gift she gave has been over the years since I was last able to join her on the mat.
You’ll be relieved to know that the medication is doing its thing and Jesse-dog is running around the house like the crazed lunatic he has always been. I never would have thought I’d be glad to see him skidding across the floor with a sock from the clean washing pile in his mouth but here we are!
Namaste.
I too am anything but ‘good’ at yoga, but I understand that feeling you speak of. I haven’t gone back to my commitment since moving here, but this is the reminder I need to re-engage. And, I like your interpretation of surrender. So true – it does not mean collapsing into something (which might be me at my first class back at yoga!).
Yoga really is such an individual experience!!!
Loved this! Hope your pup is fully recovered.
Thanks! Our Jester is back to his old naughty ways. Only change is he will let me brush his ears… perhaps he’s learned it helps a bit?!