My mood this week seems to be perfectly in sync with the weather. Cloudy, 80% chance of storms. Precipitous. Those who know me well know that I am an introvert by nature. I am blissfully happy when I’m alone. Luckily I work from home. It means I can withdraw from polite society, hide from all the busy and the noise. Be silent. The thought of sitting quietly without another soul around is my idea of heaven. Ian defines that pinnacle of joy as ‘visiting an island’… it’s the key difference between our personalities.
OK. You can stop laughing now! Maybe there are a few other differences between us but we do share comfort in quiet. All of us here at Ardley do. I remember following behind friends on the way to a wedding. As we drove I noticed that they barely drew breath on the hour-long drive. Ian and travelled in our own thoughts until one of us had to ask, what on earth do you think they talk about? Back then we worried that perhaps there was something wrong with us and our clearly flawed ability to communicate with one another. (Seriously, stop laughing, you’ll miss the rest of the blog!). Now I know it’s just that we are well acquainted with the peace that can be found in silence.
Silence is a surprisingly powerful communication tool. It allows a space to be held and time to process, a safe place to think, time for a quiet voice to speak and be heard.The use of silence, deftly wielded by a skilled person, absolutely can bring about a semblance of peace.
But silence isn’t always a virtue. It can also be a response to fear. It can hide you. It can let you avoid being vulnerable, avoid being wrong. It can keep you from standing out in a crowd when, really, you want to fit in. I try to go placidly amidst the noise of social media and outspoken opinionistas and I have to tell you, there is NOT a lot of silence nor peace to be found there!
Before coming home, silence just led to me feeling frustrated, being overlooked and underestimated. I was rescued by a particularly astute manager who could get a wee bit frustrated by my quietness in meetings. One day she asked me why I wouldn’t have my say. I didn’t have the words to explain it then but I knew where to find them. I brought in the book “Quiet” by Susan Cain. Ms L is a fast reader and an even faster absorber of knowledge. The next day she came to me with coffee and an urgent need to understand.
From then on Ms L gave introverts like me responsibility for finding our voice when it mattered. She was grateful for the insight. She said “I no longer think you aren’t listening when you’re quiet. I know you’re thinking and you’ll speak up when you need to.” The pressure was off.
We don’t always have the gift of working with a boss like Ms L but there’s no reason we can’t try and be just like her!
My dear friend constantly reminds me on the trail (with a smirk!) that I need to point my map in the direction I am trying to hike or I will be going the wrong way. I have written and then deleted countless words about silence this week. Maybe, and it’s been known to happen before, I’ve actually got the wrong map open for the path I’m intending to hike/read???
Is it possible (yes, I think it is!) that in the noise and the haste I’ve been holding the compass upside down and gone off-course? I thought I wanted to talk more about some of the drawbacks of silence to make sure I had given both sides a fair airing. But in reality, I just love it. I don’t want to tease out the negatives. I want to revel in the wonder of it. I want to urge you to take off your headphones, turn off the background noise, and bathe in some perfect quiet.
There’s a good reason I keep using hiking metaphors when I think of going placidly amidst the noise and the haste. The rhythm of walking, the effort of climbing a hill and putting one foot in front of the other, stopping for a hot cuppa somewhere in the bush where all you can hear are birds and running water; all these things bring me to a state of flow. As my legs move my mind is freed to roam and in that state is the real place where a glorious peace IS to be found in silence.
It may seem contradictory after all this but some of the most wonderful hikes are the ones taken in the company of others. It’s an open invitation – join me on the trail? All you need is a pair of shoes with decent grip and we are good to go. It’s where all the best conversations happen. No haste, just peace. See you there.
Oh Melinda – I have that book Quiet – haha! It was so affirming.
When I was down at Somers last week I relished in the Quiet. Waking to it, sitting with it, falling into pace along side it. I totally hear you!
A writer’s retreat! How glorious 🥰 The Quiet would be divine!!!
I loved this, Melinda. My husband and I are like you and yours. We are very happy in our companionable silence. I’ve been quieter since leaving work to write and have noticed the relief I feel now about not having to be ‘on.’ Who knew I was really an introvert all these years?!
We can all do with some downtime after years of having to be ‘on’, don’t you think? And writers do know just how valuable it is.