Practices I learned from The Artist’s Way sustained me through nearly three years of upheaval and challenge. As we dive headlong into 2023 with all its newness I feel the need for a refresher. On a recent visit to Paradise Books in Daylesford another of Julie Cameron’s programs jumped out and insisted on coming home with me. This year is about becoming acquainted with The Listening Path.
There is nothing weird, wild and wonderful about this one. The program starts with an encouraging reminder about why and how to keep doing Morning Pages and Artist’s Dates. It has been already a welcome start to the year.
I went for my biannual (yes, only twice a year) haircut this week. At the moment my hair is silky smooth with healthy ends and the only people who have seen it live here with me.
I used to think it was a waste to have someone spend all that time drying and straightening this wild mane if no-one got to see it but over time I’ve realised that my own appreciation of it is more than enough.
I’m glad to be low maintenance but what I do miss out on are more regular long chats with my hairdresser.
Ms C started out as the fellow Fit Yoga attendee on the mat beside mine and over years of committed attendance we became friends. Even when you are firmly planted in the moment with all of your attention focused on holding Warrior 2 it seems you can build a relationship. She found out more about me on the mat than many friends who sit with me over a cuppa ever learned. When life got in the way of getting to a 6am class I didn’t see her for years until the day I really needed a haircut and couldn’t get an appointment that suited with the salon I used to visit. I was thrilled that. Ms C had a spot for me. She draped the cape around my shoulders and released my crazy hair with the confidence of a professional who has seen far worse. “Now,” she said. “We will have plenty of time to catch up.” And so we did and so we have for many years since then.
It’s a rare experience, being heard. No matter how busy the salon may be when I am there I feel as though I am the only one. I value the time sitting in her chair. This week we talked about acceptance, integrity, honesty and growing into your adulthood. It struck me as we spoke about some pretty personal beliefs and experiences, when you sit and submit to the ministrations of a hairdresser there is opportunity for more than a cut and colour.
When the kids were little I took the time in the chair as a chance to completely switch off, perhaps read a crappy magazine, become quiet. As the listener in the room I became aware of so many different conversations. People take the chance to be heard. Wielding comb and scissors the stylist in black would nod sagely as one client waxed lyrical about the latest shopping she had done; another complained about the neighbour / mother-in-law/ husband / other human who was testing her patience. Yet another might be red-eyed, a tissue slipped to her surreptitiously and a calm hand briefly on her shoulder before the cut continues.
I also noticed the different reactions from the hairdressers themselves. Some were in fact the talkers, speaking over the buzz of the dryer with barely time to draw breath between topics. But others, ah, those precious beacons of safety, they, like my own Ms C and a certain Mr T, demonstrate professional skills with more than the implements of hairstyling. These talented folk have developed the ability to listen.
They listen with focus and patience and empathy. They ask questions kindly then pay attention to the answer. They watch your face in the mirror when checking the length of your hair matches on both sides. They pause the dryer to better hear your words. You feel like they have all the time in the world for you when you know very well the next client is sitting in the waiting area because they paused, said ‘excuse me for a moment”, then went over to say ‘take a seat, I will be with you soon. Can I get you a cup of tea?’
These people have post-graduate level listening skills!
Spending time at the salon reminded me in the most personal way that practicing the valuable skill of listening is worth it.
Magic happens when you are quiet and paying attention. I’ve learned to sit quietly with my cuppa on the back deck long after the mug is empty. There’s a bird that sings only when it thinks no-one is listening and it’s song is a reward for my patience.
I will pick up the Listening Path again this evening to read the next chapter and maybe do a couple of the exercises, flex the listening muscles a little and see if I can’t strengthen the ability to hear AND perceive meaning just a bit more. Should you do something structured like this listening program? Nope, it’s not necessary, it’s all common sense. It really is. But I have learned that there is something powerful about following a program and doing what someone else instructs me to do that makes me learn things in spite of myself. That said, it’s still completely unnecessary. I’ll follow that up, though, with encouragement to give it a go. You just don’t know what might come to you as a result.
For me? This one is helping me hone my listening skills a little further. As a clinician and a coach listening is something I’ve worked hard to cultivate and, believe you me, on some days keeping my mouth shut is still my greatest achievement! Even as an introvert who is much more comfortable observing and thinking I find it hard to keep my opinions to myself (that’s enough vigorous agreement!). You can miss so much when you fill the space and I have never regretted the times I was able to stay quiet to hear what someone else has to say.
Perhaps it’s easy for me to say as I have the least demanding haircut around but I’m prepared to take a stance on this one. When you find the hairdresser who knows how to listen, do not let them go. Book ahead, make a commitment, and find some way to let them know how much you appreciate them. They’re a precious gift.
(Thanks, Ms C, you are a gem! See you in six months or so).
Oh Melinda , I’m very taken back . Thank you for your beautiful words .I very offern think stop talking and let them say something ( be quiet for a minute ) that is definitely has to be practised haha xo
So glad you resonated with this❤️
You’re the best listener Coby!!! I have always loved your care and views on the world and watching you live to you morals. Xo
On my first visit to Indonesia, a local who regularly entertained our group with acoustic Bob Marley sounds in the background, stopped and sat in silence one time. He paused long enough to make our Western minds start to build stories in our heads about what he must be thinking. He stared at each of us and said ‘ you foreigners need learn to be happy in silence. You don’t have to fill the space with talk or noise, just be’.
Finding company where you can just ‘be’ in comfortable silence, not having to fill the space with a vibration above mother nature’s can be a rare gift. My hairdresser (bless her) can do both. She reads me and knows is its a silent or chatty appointment – more often silent as I immerse into the words of a good book I’ve been saving for this exact moment. 🙂 I think this is probably a hang over from 12 years of getting my hair cut in countries where my hairdressers didn’t speak English – so a good book was my only choice.
So to be a good listener, there is the art of learning to be comfortable with silence. Not saying I’m good at it and it takes 2 (or more) for silence, but I practice a lot when I’m alone. 🙂
You have your own ‘Ketut’!
I like how you describe this discomfort we have with silence… as though it’s an error the space is empty rather than a blessing that there is room to just be. It ‘should’ be simple but it really takes effort!