Coming Home – To The Year That Was

It’s Boxing Day. It’s the only time since June when I held my breath and shut my eyes and pressed ‘publish’ on the first For What It’s Worth that I haven’t posted a Sunday morning blog. You see, even when you are your own boss you need to observe a few public holidays! Instead of writing I spent the day celebrating Christmas. You too? We sat outside for hours on end under the shade of a deep country verandah on a farm that has been home to my sister for decades. The mudbricks of that homestead are cool to the touch and emanate calm, perfect on this day of peace. My feet were buried in the cool of the greenest grass I’ve seen in years and I sat in a camp chair with a glass of wine in my hand and food on my fork and a beloved family member chatting with me at my side. It’s hot here, hot with a heat that feels heavy on your skin and makes it hard to breathe in deeply. So hot that sitting down under the air conditioner all day isn’t lazy, it’s self-preservation, and it’s the very best way to relax at the end of the year. So hot that even I would don bathers and slide into water if it were at hand. It’s not, and so you can be reassured that no-one has been blinded by the pallor of my barely-bared skin. It’s a good thing!  Yes, it was a proper Aussie Christmas here in Bendigo.

As if spending 24 hours camped with my family wasn’t enough of a gift, Santa spoiled me well and truly. While he no longer needs to appear magically for my kidults, the gift that now is shared with my kids is the pleasure of giving. I hadn’t realised how special the growth of generosity would be. Mr M confided in me that it’s the first year that he has seen the glint of happiness in someone’s eye when they open a present he has chosen carefully just for them. He was thrilled by how good that made him feel. Mr A excelled with his careful choice of presents for those he loves. He can be a dark horse, Mr A, so his expression of care that shows he really does watch and remember is doubly gratifying. He tells me that gifts are his ‘love language’ and both giving and receiving thoughtfully selected presents brings him a quiet joy I’m learning to see and love in him.

It’s a fraught activity, the business of Christmas presents. Recently on Mamamia Out Loud the hosts talked about their approaches to the task and between them described some very familiar approaches. Mia Freedman is frustrated by the deadline of birthdays and Christmas and prefers to buy gifts that are meaningful all year round. Waiting for a particular date takes away the shine of the giving for her and turns it into a chore. Holly Wainwright and Jessie Stephens appreciate the discipline and meaning of the days of celebration. Holly plans and buys throughout the year and finds herself with only a few outstanding presents to buy when Christmas appears (there’s a mother after my own heart!). Jessie, well, you are likely to find Jessie in a frantic spending spree  on Christmas Eve with a list of names in one hand, a basket stuffed with hampers and gift packs in the other, and a mad look in her eyes that warns you to move over, quickly, get out of the way, there is no time!

We probably all have something of each of these styles in us. There are years when I open the present box on December 1 and it is gratifyingly all done. This year I was to be found with Jessie frantically combing the aisles in the days before Christmas. In other years I use up my present giving energies throughout the year as the perfect presents make themselves known and I cannot wait to give them to their intended person. There are years when inspiration deserts me and gifts are bought to a theme – impersonal but functional. Only once have I resorted to gift cards (though I’ve come around to see that they have their place and I adore the thrill of shopping when I have one!).

Luckily I am also kind to myself, all is forgiven, and the post office will be fully supported by me once again in 2023. In the meanwhile, 2022 will be shared with those nearest and dearest to me in the format I have come to understand more intimately this year than in any year before it. Yes, the internet and I, despite our love/hate relationship, will be working together this week to ensure that the people I write to will hear from me. Each year (with a few exceptions) I write a Christmas letter to send to all our family and friends. That letter has occasionally been folded inside a card but is more often than not printed on festive paper with a few family photos. It has been the way we keep in touch. It connects our present with our past.

I always write my annual letter addressed to everyone but with one recipient in mind. My Grandma always loved my letter. She became the face in front of me as I wrote. I imagined her reaction to my jokes (she thought I was hilarious!), her pride in my achievements, her interest in how my family was growing and evolving. I wrote my Christmas letter to her and for her. This year is the year my Grandma had to leave us. This year I will still write with her in mind. I will picture her catching up with my dear Nan, both of them with my letter in hand, a cup of tea at their sides, sharing their pride and joy in how things are going along for me and mine. You will hopefully enjoy the tales I tell them, for my grandmothers always said that the stories I tell them are ‘special’ 😉.

The Christmas letter has also been the way I draw a line under our year in preparation for the next. It’s interesting (to me, at least!) to see the pattern the years have taken. Kids starting, progressing and finishing school. Ian starting and finishing jobs. Moving houses and growing things and taking up hobbies and playing sports and most importantly? Connecting and staying connected.

This year my Christmas letter is the usual catch all of time passing in our household. Lots has happened. Nothing much has changed. Everything is different. This year feels like it has lasted decades even as it flashed by in the blink of an eye. In my Christmas letter I recounted:

• the first kidult leaving home
• all five of us changing jobs
• a momentous career change
• many seeds planted
• one heartbreakingly difficult illness
• one purpose completed and one dream chased
• one novel written and one blog launched
• multiple adventures and camping escapes
• so many puppy dog tales!

As I was sitting at my desk to write my letter I picked up my 2021 ‘photo a day’ challenge album. I am still so surprised to see just how much can happen in a year that feels like a procession of days during which nothing ever changes. In actual fact what I found was a collation of many different views and experiences and dinners eaten and birthdays celebrated and seeds planted and, oh, the people! Even in our little life here in central Victoria we are blessed by so many different people in our home, school and work lives. Until you look at them all collected in one place like this album it’s not so easy to recognise how fortunate we are to live in such an embracing place. Isn’t life like that?

Even though the letter is full I know that I will have missed so many more things. One year my dear friend sent out her annual letter and I realised our weekly catch up didn’t appear anywhere in her recount of the year. It stung to be overlooked (clearly still does, just a little!). And yet its absence in her missive changed nothing. We continued to meet and share time with our kids every Tuesday. Our relationship is one of the mainstays in my life to this day. In retrospect, the absence of any mention of our regular contact in her summary was not a symptom of carelessness, it was proof of importance. We were so embedded in her daily life we needed no mention. Like a beauty spot on your face – you see it every time you look in the mirror but you don’t notice it. It’s just part of the overall picture.

I have come to like being part of the bigger picture. I am so glad to be able to be an unnoticed but structural element in the lives of the people I care about. I think they (you?) would notice if I wasn’t there but I hope to be an easy and accepted part of life. No drama. No challenge. No need to gather your energy before I turn up. But hopefully welcome and sometimes just a little bit interesting. 

The Advent candles are the first to return to their drawer to rest until December rolls around again. They’ve earned it. They worked hard and fulfilled their promise. During this week, the week of #twixmas, I hope the same for you. I wish for you peace, hope, joy and love. Rest, explore, read a bit (happy to recommend a book if you haven’t got one by your side!). Raise a glass of your favourite tipple to the year that was and look ahead to the possibility that is the year to come. I am grateful to each and every one of you for being in my bigger picture. It wouldn’t be the same without you.

Did Santa visit your house this year? How did you and your loved ones express how much you care for one another? Did you receive a handwritten Christmas card in your mailbox??? Share a photo in the comments!