The question – what do you do when your (perfectly reasonable) preference takes away the ability for someone else to enjoy their (also perfectly reasonable) preference? What should I do when your culture clashes with mine?
Case in point. We were hiking on the weekend. The Grampians are magnificent (this is your #1 recommendation, get out there and see it for yourself!). As we neared the summit that is the Pinnacle (reco #2 – climb to the Pinnacle, the view is breathtaking) the clear air and natural beauty was marred, for us at least, by the sound of music blaring. As we climbed higher he source was revealed, the couple reclining in the lee of a rock, speaker strategically positioned to maximise the resonance. I glared at him. PippiLongstocking prepared for a confrontation. We found relief in the previously reviled wind that now not only whipped our jackets about our legs but blew the electronic music away.
The same thing happened on a recent overnight adventure. A large group camping nearby turned up their dance music at 3pm. Now, while that’s my kind of hour for a party (home and in bed early!), it’s not my kind of venue. That music ricocheted around the crater we were camped in providing all of us with a bass that vibrated through our bones. Any chance of sitting quietly around the campfire lost in our own thoughts was stolen by that rhythmic beat. The group looked as if they were having an absolute blast. That their joy stole ours was not on the playlist.
Do I hate music? God, no! Do I want to listen to it out in nature? Are you kidding? There is nothing worse than having that peace and serenity disturbed by such nonsense! That couple were blissed out by lying there on a rock in the sun with their favourite tune playing. Their bliss stole ours.
If having what you want takes away from what someone else wants… should you have it?
On our recent central Oz adventure we were frequently confronted by the varying responses to requests by Traditional Owners to show respect to culture at certain sites. We were asked not to take photos of certain parts of Uluru and Kata Tjuṯa. The thought of offending the Traditional Owners of a place that is clearly a spiritual site was anathema to our intentions. Ian and I were happy to adhere to this request but we had to still the reflex to take pictures of some awe-inspiring natural sites. Some tourists blatantly ignored the signs and snapped away.
I don’t believe that a photo takes away spirit but they do. I accept that I cannot understand it properly but acknowledge the truth and power a belief system has for those who share that culture. I compare it to the need to remove your shoes and wear full length clothing in the temples of Asia. This is not my belief but it is also not my temple. To show respect I adhere to the requirements that make it possible for me to see some of the beautiful place of worship they have built for their religion.
So how do you reconcile when two belief systems just can’t meet? It’s simple to suggest there be a middle ground. It’s just so hard to step on to it. I’m tempted to weave these same issues into some of the cultural clashes happening around the world today. You know the ones. They’re political, religious, devastating. When my belief is diametrically oppositional to your belief we cannot compromise…
Culture and religion and beliefs and preferences. Tricky stuff. I’ve been thinking about it because I’m writing some notes for an Acknowledgement of Country I will give at the start of a meeting I chair. I’ve been staring at the summary of events happening around the country. Some of them outline the delays and steps backwards on the path to reconciliation and truth telling. Others illustrate creative examples of self determination. Devastating issues AND hopefulness. I want to highlight all of it but every time I try to catch them it sounds as though by noting both I’m somehow undermining the seriousness of the issue.
As I sat there mulling over what was right, what was inoffensive and still true, as I tried to get a grasp on how to recognise both, I came back to this little story I came across a couple of years ago on social media.
A parent has twins. One twin was given a donut every day for years, as a treat, one wasn’t given any treats, like ever. Donut twin come to expect their daily treat, the other twin was confused for there was no reason why the twins were treated so different. Every time the other twin acted out or questioned the inequality they were punished. One day the parent of the twins decided it was not fair and gave both twins half of the donut each. Donut twin was not happy, they felt that it was unfair that they now only get half. Equity will always feel like a loss to those who see their privilege as a right.
Blackfulla revolution
This one is a simple suggestion but it hit me hard when I first read it and it’s sat as a truth in me ever since. It doesn’t give me all the answers about culture and how to balance it (I wish!) but it’s a place to start me thinking. When things are uncomfortable or I feel affronted somehow I ask myself have you just had your second donut taken away? Literal food for thought.
For now the position I take is that I am a Learner. I don’t know the answers but I won’t stop trying to understand as much as I can. I know I’m better every day with compromise, thought it’s always uncomfortable to begin with, and I’m also understanding more about which parts of my culture are critical to protect. I shared both perspectives in that Acknowledgement of Country as well as my discomfort with how it made me feel. I hope it opens up the conversation and let’s others know I’m ready to learn more. If anyone has wisdom to share on this one, I’m listening!!!
Meanwhile, I think I’ve found a safe middle ground to practise on. From now on I’m considering carrying a set of headphones (cardboard replicas because I’m cheap) to hand out to hikers who ‘accidentally’ bring a speaker on the trail. No reason they need to miss out on their ‘toons’. Every reason to keep it to themselves. One donut each. I hope it has chocolate icing.
Oh, you’ve hit this for a home run Melinda! I see what you see; I hear it too; and I feel as deeply as you about this. Bravo!
It’s a tricky one sometimes until you sit back and realise it was never meant to be polar. There’s always a midground!