We all have weaknesses, don’t we? Things we cannot resist, things that seem to call to us in a way that cannot be ignored? You know yours, don’t you? I bet just the suggestion has brought ‘your thing’ to the front of your mind and you are glancing at it sideways, reaching out for it, making a plan to go get it, do it, taste it. What’s yours? Mine is one that’s always at my fingertips. My addiction is one that is socially acceptable, encouraged even. I love to learn.
I’m in the Eyrie at my beloved desk, my refuge of creativity, and I’ve run out of room. To my left, my journal and notebook and a pile of hiking books with my notes for future adventures spilling out of the pages. To my right, my business and writing journal open to a planning section that is half covered by additional notes reminding me of the projects not yet safely in the system. At eye level beside my second screen is the pile of books waiting for me to delve into them for one of those projects. On Tallulah’s main screen I have both Scrivener and Word documents open. These are the documents that will be attended to on this Wordy Wednesday. On the second screen are the background documents AND my email AND my calendar, all of which will need to be referred to during my day at the desk. I’ve organised it all to within an inch of its inanimate but very real-to-me life and still I’m overwhelmed.
This year I’ve learned a lot. Most of it has been self-directed and driven by curiosity. Some has been more formal. Some has even been useful to my work. All of it brought me great joy. The path to traditional publishing. The strategies of self-publishing. A plethora of copywriting courses. Introductory bibliotherapy. Watercolour painting. Spanish so that I can speak with others while hiking the Camino. Oh, and ongoing strengths coaching updates and models. Did I really just send in an expression of interest to learn how to grow great fruit? When do I think I’m going to do that???
That I love to learn is not news to anyone here. Nor is the heavy lean towards skills that rest on words and books and writing. What’s new to me is my understanding of what’s behind some of this tendency of mine to ‘say yes to the press’ (an awkward play on words, I know, but it speaks to me!). My CliftonStrengths profile says it all. Top Talent = Learner. Dig into this a little and two things stand out.
- I don’t care if the subject never ends, just keep feeding me new information and skills and I’m all yours. Mastery is not my goal, although I love the satisfaction of employing new skills. No, the process of learning is my drug of choice.
- Learners often have a blind spot. We’re so engrossed in the thing we’re learning that we forget to finish…
OK, so there are definitely more blind spots for me including the overwhelming urge to drag people along with me in pursuit of more and more and more knowledge. To those who are still bedraggled after a foray into some course with me I say thank you! Thank you for your patience and thank you for bearing with me. I promise to restrain myself in the future!!! And you know you really liked it. You don’t have to tell me. I know.
You might remember that I decided to manage some of my over-commitment with a second desk. Not all of us have the luxury and I’m here to say nor should we. It has been a trap. Two desktops. Two bookcases. Two sets of draws. I can hide the resources across two spaces and point to them as completely reasonable. OK, I’m the only one I’m trying to convince. I’m an addict who’s beginning to hide her drug of choice in plain sight, sure she’s fooled everyone. In actual fact, the only person who’s been fooled is me and I’m going to have to deal with it.
Ironically, on the pinboard (on my first desk) hidden amongst my favourite pictures is a little note asking me ‘what do you NOT do?” I do know what I’m like. If it’s relevant and interesting and there’s a way I could learn something new, why, YES! I’m in! Unlike those who commit to new goals and big life decisions at New Years, my energy is with the advent of Spring. Perhaps it’s the energy in the fresh air laden with the scent of wattle and jonquils and orange blossom. More likely it’s the noticeably lengthening hours of daylight that feel to me like a gift of time. And, when I’ve got time, I’ve got a chance to learn something new.
The lesson I realise I actually have to learn (and master) is the ability to say NO even when the course / program / online module is absolutely perfect for me. There are those who will be grinning right now recalling all the times I’ve, somewhat sarcastically, coached them to say ‘no’ in work and personal situations. Know your limits. Set your boundaries. You’ve got this! Sigh. Me too.
I’ve lit a cinnamon scented candle and added it to the (dangerously flammable, now I think of it) clutter on my desk. I’m hoping it will help me take a breath and sit back to properly evaluate all these awesome things here. I’m going to have to say no to something. I’m going to have to put something off until next year. Apparently there is work to do and bills to pay and I’m studiously ignoring the laundry. There are people to interact with in person away from the Eyrie and I have been known to wax lyrical about the importance of friendship. My friends are waiting patiently for me to step away from the desk. They’re waiting with fingers crossed that I don’t come to them with a brilliant idea for another course we could do together. Although, hear me out, wouldn’t it be a great idea to create a Camino training model? We could get a trainer to lead us and they could teach us how to manage these middle-aged bodies of ours as we walk 500 miles. Really, you’d love it.
Who’s in???