Having the Desiderata as my guide in Year 2 of For What It’s Worth has forced me to focus on all sorts of things. Some I was looking forward to writing about and others I’m avoiding for as long as I can. This is one I felt I’d already addressed and the idea of going back to explore ‘the career thing’ makes me cringe. I don’t know about you but I certainly feel like that’s been done… But I promised. I promised myself and I promised you and, in the end, I’ve found it a useful exercise. So, bear with me, I’m interested to know your thoughts on what courage looks like to you. Here goes.
You may remember that I made quite a fuss about the enormity of walking away from my career. In the end it was an easy decision but it took courage to admit it to myself. It took courage to say it aloud. It certainly took courage to stick to the decision for you don’t toss away decades of effort lightly, now, do you? You certainly don’t do it without reasons good enough to convince yourself and those reasons had better be good enough to assuage the justifiably concerned questions of loved ones.
The other fear that hit me just as it did so many others was the realisation that security, financial security and all the things it extended to us as a result like safe housing and food and the ability to ride out lockdowns, was all I could aim for.
Security. Ummm… Seems a bit strange when you consider I walked away from exactly that, but bear with me on this one!
This line of the Desiderata kept me going to work. It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. My goodness, I’d never been so aware of that! Businesses were closing and people were losing careers that had seemed rock solid before this crisis turned ‘important’ into ‘non-essential’. I’ll argue (but not in this post) that a pandemic was predictable but the economic devastation was so much greater than I ever imagined it could be. There were days when I drove into the hospital carpark reciting over and over keep interested in your career, keep interested in your career in a desperate reminder of how lucky I was to even have it.
That mantra kept me there long enough to allow the need to leave to grow larger than the fear of insecurity. It kept me there long enough to explore the things that mattered to me and make a decision informed by knowledge rather than emotion.
Eventually those words changed in focus from keep interested in your career to the realisation that the changing fortunes of time meant don’t waste it!!!
The possession of a strong work ethic is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. My family instilled this value in me from early on. My parents gave up everything to see if they could turn a dream into reality. They gave up financial security, home ownership and a community that knew and loved them to give it a go. Hindsight tells us it was a success but, at the time, they could only hope that when they sold everything and moved away with three little kids it would pay off. Fingers crossed.
That’s courage. It’s in you, too, you know. Give ‘the thing’ a go. It might work out. It might not. At least you’ll know and you won’t have to regret not trying. Then you can look to the next thing.
In 2020 I was Falling Out Of Love with something I’d thought was mine for life. The ‘job thing’ seemed enormous but as time passes it is finding a place in my collection of ‘things I once loved’. I found out it’s not just friendships that might have a reason, season or a lifetime presence. Have you been there? Maybe in a relationship or a hobby or a job? I have a cupboard full of quilting fabric testament to my years-long obsession with sewing. It will take many more years to use up that stash and unless I take to the sewing machine again soon it will be there when I die. After decades of creation I just… stopped. I didn’t even notice it happening. At the moment there is an impressive amount of hiking gear surrounding me and I cannot imagine ever putting it away for good. I’ll do this forever! I announced in response to a question from a dear friend wondering how long I intended to be hiking.
The pointy end of things that helped me walk out the door isn’t as sharp in hindsight, thank goodness, and I can appreciate all the parts of my career that will forever be precious. I adore the quilts that keep us warm and I will hike until I cannot stand on my own two feet (then I’ll find another way to get out there!).The Desiderata and the pandemic turned out to be a powerful partnership. Some of us need things to become extreme before we find the courage to flex that risk muscle and it turns out I was definitely risk averse!
Realistically… Is anything a lifelong presence? Well, yes, it seems that books and writing have been there from day dot and have never wavered in their activity in my life. Himself and I will celebrate a significant anniversary next year so he’s looking like a stayer as well (phew, I rather like him!).
In the meanwhile I have returned to an old hobby with a renewed interest. Learning a new language. It’s an extension of hiking the trail, one hobby patchworked into another embedding both deeper into my life. I’d forgotten how thrilling it is to be inducted into an entirely new way of expressing oneself and I am obsessed. Old habits, new tricks. Perhaps I’ll have the courage to try out my new Spanish skills with native speakers, take the risk of sounding very clumsy with those words new to me. Perhaps I’ll keep that fabric stash. There are quilted window covers to be made for the van.