My favourite outfit at the moment consists of soft, flowing, forest-green pants with a ruffle at the bottom that I found at the beach on holiday. Paired with a loose fitting asymmetrical shirt and, sometimes, my hair plaited, I feel like a million dollars. I thought perhaps I was returning to my hippy roots but I’m wondering now if there’s another explanation… because I think there might be a correlation between waistbands and self-discipline. Go with me a moment.
melinda charlesworth (aged over 50)
Teens – low rise waists + strict homework timetable + a daily alarm (school bus, gotta be early)
20s – tailored pants + Aerobics Oz Style every morning + a weekday alarm (weekends are freestyle )
30s – something clean + walking the kids to school + internal alarm 30 secs before first child wakes
40s- stretch denim jeans + yoga 2-3 times a week (well done you!) + alarm with five minute snooze
50s – elastic waisted everything + a weekly hike (with coffee and cake) + the sound of the coffee machine turning on…
Irrefutable proof, right?
It’s fascinating to me to look back at habits that feel as though they’re still mine but clearly fell by the wayside some time ago. We know that habits carve themselves a place in our brains, networks that never really disappear meaning that habits, once formed, need to be replaced rather than erased. The space in your brain will always need to be ‘inhabited’ for it can be ‘green space’ no more..
During the pandemic my dear friend and I fell into The Artists Way I worried in the early days that I had set myself up to fail by loading what rapidly became an already unrelenting schedule with yet another task on the to-do list. Within a few days I discovered that this new commitment was in the realms of an elastic-waisted activity – demanding but gentle and more than a little flattering for all body shapes.
Through self-discipline comes freedom
Aristotle
Freedom without discipline is chaos
Mahatma Gandhi
I am coming to realise that discipline means something very different to me than what it meant to my parents and, without question, is unrelated to any version my own offspring would assign to it. Actually… I’m not sure that it’s something they would use on any given day. For my parents it is undetachable from the expression of a strong work ethic. It’s unrelated to ‘how you feel’ on any given day, it just is. For me it is about consistency with a commitment, showing up even when the urge is hard to find. For my lot and their friends, from the outside, the urge (how do I feel today?) drives the decision. Don’t take me down, I’m just the messenger! Ok, I’m just the opinionated parent. That’s my job and I will do it with a disciplined approach to honesty.
Gretchen Rubin, author (and guinea pig) of The Happiness Project and The Four Tendencies, described habits as ‘unnatural’ on a podcast I was listening to recently. That certainly captured my attention! BEfore that I was nodding along in agreemenet with her. Morning is her most creative and energetic time (me too!). Email and social media for an hour (wow, me too!!!). Walks to her office around the corner (hmm, well, not quite, we are unique after all!).
I’m fascinated by her thoughts about habits and the influence how we prefer to respond to expectations has on our behaviour. As she’s been so en pointe in the past I decided it best to give this opinion of hers equal consideration and went down the rabbit hole that is her research.
THE FOUR TENDENCIES
gretchen Rubin
Upholders – readily respond to external AND internal expectations with little fuss and need very little supervision
Questioners – respond to external and internal expectations but NOT if they deem them unfair, arbitrary or irrational
Obligers – meet externally imposed expectations but struggle to meet an internal one
Rebels – resist ALL expectations! and act from a place of choice and authenticity at all times.
Rubin’s Four Tendencies quiz is easy to do. Go on, find out how you tend to respond expectations. Have you done it? Well? Are you surprised or was it obvious to you right from the start?!
Can you guess where I fall??? Let’s just say I’m satisfied that I meet my own definition of a wholesome discipline. I guess that’s what matters! Mind you – the likelihood of me returning to tailored pants with a belt (God forbid!) is somewhere between Buckley’s and none.
And as I’m a quote geek thought I’d share this brilliant deep dive into quotes on discipline for you. You’re welcome!