These days the phone is in my hand ALL the time. I don’t know how it happened. One minute I was ranting about the kids and their constant distraction with the screens and how they’re never actually present when we speak and the next I realised I was browsing waterproof screen covers. For reading in the shower. What the…?
Something seems to have happened during 2024.
Here are the things I noticed as December rolled around. My phone had moved from my desk and started charging on my bedside table with an extra long cord. I don’t even need to get out of bed to pick it up. I lie there and play my word games and check my emails, look at the news and delve into Instagram and Facebook. It can be an hour, an hour!, before I uncap my fountain pen to do my Morning Pages. The power of Pages is that they are the FIRST thing one does in the morning to capture the ‘undefended mind’ and all the magical thoughts and ideas that fall out of them every now and then. Nope. My mind has plenty of time to get defences up. In fact, there’s enough time to wall it over completely until very few thoughts have any chance of escaping the numbed vault.
My iPad moved to a new home conveniently handy by the chair where I sit at the end of the day, YouTube videos ready to roll. I pick up my phone again and doomscroll while the videos play. Huh. Podcasts collect in my phone and, to keep up with all the ones I want to hear, I listen to them when I put my book down at the end of the night. In fact, I began popping in headphones and… going to sleep with a podcast still playing. I’m never sure how much I missed and there’s no chance of taking a note or capturing an idea. I wonder if it’s somewhere in my subconscious brain?
When I catch up with friends phones appear beside the cutlery on the table. A pause in the conversation is an invitation to check messages or scroll for information. We can’t take time to think of solutions. We have to google it. Easier to text someone somewhere else than be present without something to say. We certainly don’t sit in silence. That’s… uncomfortable.
Now, don’t forget, I’m one of the fortunate ones who grew up before screens. My comfort baseline is hours of uninterrupted quiet reading. A couple of favourite TV shows (one at 7.30pm and, depending on the TV guide, maybe one at 8.30pm). Sitting on the floor on Saturday mornings with the newspaper spread out between my legs and lingering over each story, sipping coffee and nibbling on Vegemite toast over the comics while Rage plays on the TV.
I blame social media for some of it. Social media is something I both enjoy and use for my work. To my everlasting shock… I like it! I have a lovely algorithm. It feeds me never-ending content about puppy dogs and hiking and van adventures and books. It’s a sweet place, my little corner of the internet. That can’t be a bad thing, right? And the need to never have to wait and wonder about anything at all.
So I challenged myself to watch an entire movie without picking up my phone. I did it. I was twitching and glancing over to the desk where it was quietly recharging on a regular basis. This is an addiction. Ah. Once you see it it can never be unseen.
I want my deep focus and attention back! I want to remember what it’s like to wait and wonder. I want to be present in what’s happening around me. Unexpected solutions often appear while waiting. Sometimes they appear when I’m singing in the shower or cleaning my teeth. Standing in line can be inspirational.
The one that drives me crazy is pulling out a phone to check location and anticipate the trail when we hike. I miss finding my way. I miss the joy of the unexpected, of discovery and of surprise. At least I never started listening to anything while walking. That’s always been sacrilege. Perhaps it’s also been a saving grace?
I’ve written (whinged) before about how our attention is being intentionally hijacked and I’ve researched the effects of screen use on the developing brains. It’s not good for us. I know this.
I’m not saying anything you haven’t heard before and, by the looks of how many others are setting similar intentions this January, I’m not the only one. While I’m not planning on a return to the 1990s, it is time to send the phone away from easy overnight reach. It won’t miss me. I have books and I have pens and paper and I have my own thoughts. It will be nice to make their acquaintance again, even the uncomfortable ones. They’ve been desperate for my attention for a while now.
Strangely enough, the simplest thing that is already beginning to return me to a semblance of my old self is the act of turning off the wifi on my computer when I work. No notifications come through. I’ve got enough self-discipline to stay on task but a notification of any sort can break that in a micro second.
So. My word for this year is PRESENT.
I’ve returned some hand sewing to the spot beside the couch. Instead of a screen perhaps I can thread a needle and mend some of those quilts that have been crying out for a stitch or two. I’m not walking away from social media but we’re setting up a few boundaries. No more checking posts first thing in the morning. You’ve got your appointment, Instagram, make sure you’re on time. When I’m reading a book I’ll have my pen and paper beside me ready to underline something or write myself a note about the things I’m reading. My usual notebook will be in my bag but you might see more of it as I’m out and about and ideas come to me or I need to remember something.
First job – memorise my kids’ mobile phone numbers. I get the feeling that memory muscle will ache for a while but I’m determined to get it back to match fit.
When we catch up you won’t see my mobile. Just me, hopefully smiling at you. I’m not bad at silence either, a lull in the conversation can just be comfortable companionship. Are you up for it with me?
I like the idea of memorising the kids numbers. I have one in the memory bank but that was because I bought the phone for him (and his first SIM).
Hand sewing – oooh yes. Sashiko is my new happy stitch place!